Have you ever had that perfect movie moment, where time feels like it’s come to a halt, where your head is spinning, trying to process everything at a mile-a-minute, where you are simultaneously fully present yet fully aware that this moment will shape your life forever? That feeling swept over me in a hurricane of gratitude and ecstasy the day I received a letter of acceptance from my dream school, the school I desperately wanted to attend yet wholeheartedly doubted that I was good enough to be admitted into. As someone who’s always struggled with who she sees in the mirror, I feared the admissions board would be unimpressed by the hobbies that kept me occupied during quarantine (i.e. painting, listening to podcasts, pranking my parents & reliving their reactions via home video) and underwhelmed by my list of school activities since remote learning occupied the entirety of the past year. Yet my fears were quenched not by the letter the school sent me, but by the continuous reassurances of loved ones that I was good enough to be accepted, and even if I wasn’t, that was no blemish on my person, on who I am.
For anyone who’s undergone the college admissions process, you understand the intricacy, the scrutiny, and the anxiety the journey throws upon all who dare set foot on its course. From my own experience, I can recall spending hours just brainstorming topics for one essay, when many of the universities I applied to required multiple, and oftentimes, the essays were specifically designed so that they could only be written for that particular school, meaning I spent entire weekends at my desk writing, erasing, editing, and typing with every trick I knew from all twelve years of my English classes. Standardized test scores are still largely required, and since the pandemic shut down many testing centers until this fall, I ended up taking three brain-draining tests in a span of four months, which essentially felt like running a marathon after only beginning to run a mile after eighteen months of bedrest. Seriously, y’all, this is not how I dreamed I’d spend Saturdays of my senior year. While colleges use these methods to help select their incoming class members, more often than not, the process not only brings insane amounts of stress to already stressed-out teens but causes them to doubt themselves, their intelligence, their importance to their community, and their contributions to society as a whole. I quit baseball because of a bad knee; will the admissions counsel think I can’t stay with one activity consistently? I don’t dance anymore because the bullying got to be too much; what do I say when they ask me if I plan on dancing in college? Remote learning caused me to be behind in school, which caused my grades to drop this year; will the college committee take away my scholarship?
While the college application process brought plenty of stress to an already crazy year (sometimes driving me to down one or two key lime sodas to steady my nerves), I was pleasantly surprised to find little nuggets of gold scattered in the debris of rough drafts and high school transcripts, rays of sunshine that lit up my face and reminded me of my worth, things I didn’t even realize people noticed about me that, apparently, were obvious to the rest of the world. Through each letter of recommendation, each teacher who helped me prepare for alumni interviews, each person who worked so hard to give me the best shot at my future flung the shutters wide opened for my eyes, allowing me to see, for the very first time, the impact I’ve had on my community, how just me being me has positively affected so many beautiful souls, and that I never have to strive to be good enough; I already am. And so are you.
“Your voice, your vocation, is the expression of your redeemed identity. It needs to be heard. It’s a story that needs to be told.”
~ Jo Saxton, “The Dream of You”
Regardless of where you live or how other people have treated you, you are an essential part of your community. Your ideas, your gifts, your words, your passions, and your spirit are all vital to the survival and wellbeing of those around you. Humans are social creatures by nature, and in an era where political and social tensions are on the brink of insurmountable, we need people who are kind, who put love first, who respect and care for those around them. Even as the new variant surges, we can still find ways to keep one another comforted, whether that be through phone calls, teleconferences, or a walk in the park staying six feet apart. The gentle touch on my elbow, the radiant smile through a mask, and the thrilled-filled words of my tribeswomen, teachers, & mentors brimming with hope, faith, & love have sustained me through all of life’s transformations and have become key memories that I cling to when the wind blows my way. As we enter a new year, may we anchor ourselves to the truth that love has sent us people to remind us of our identities, our names, and our callings, even in the darkest of hours, and may we remember that the light within us is never meant to be hidden away, yet rather, always meant to be shared to those who grace sent our way.
Last Love 