A Letter To The Battling Teen

Hey there. I’m glad you stopped by. And I’m glad I live in a world where you do, too. I hope & pray that you’ll soften your heart and open yourself to the possibility that the sayings your parents, teachers, and mentors have told you for years might actually be true, because they are. There is more to life than high school. You are more than the way those kids make you feel. Your school is a more beautiful place because of you. While it feels like you don’t fit in, you sit by yourself at lunch, and you wonder how you’ll ever get through one more day, let a current high school senior and someone who’s high school career has consisted of reconstruction surgery, sexual discrimination, and cognitive behavioral therapy tell you that YES, you can make it, you’re gonna make it, and there is an entire tribe of friends, teachers, guidance counselors, loved ones, and therapists who want nothing more than to watch you bloom into the magnificent human being you were born to be. Yet I know right now, that feels a thousand miles away, so I ask that you take away a few important truths from this article and let them saturate your spirit until you feel them, until you believe them with every breathe you breath.

There is no such thing as “popular.”

As I’m sure you’ve noticed by now, every class consists of that group that seems to have it all together, twenty-four/seven, who never miss a beat in the social game. You know who I’m taking about; the people who herd together like cattle, replicate their fashion styles so they all match exactly, and laugh loudly as you pass by, that sinking feeling that they’re laughing at you settling into your stomach. While hormones and awkward adjustments to your body such as braces, glasses, and big-as-balloon zits add to this insecurity, your brain’s not completely off when you see the “popular” kids and desperately want what they have. It’s not because they’re so much better than you, though; it’s because your human instincts know, deep down, that there’s no such thing as “popular.” Popularity, like perfection, is a cultural construct that society forms in order to make sense of a broken world, mind tricks people play on one another and themselves to quench their insecurities and create a hierarchy of power, oftentimes with themselves at the top. Even though high school feels like it’s its own little kingdom – with all the ladies and lords dining up in the castle every night while the serfs beg for scraps at the back door – this kingdom is not eternal. In fact, it will only last four years at the most, and that royal hierarchy will shift between summers, sometimes even between semesters. So, don’t worry about “fitting in” or ranking “high enough” on the social ladder, because cultural standards do not line up with the truth that you are loved not because of the clothes you wear, or the color of your hair, or the GPA attached to your name, or the timed run of your best mile, but of the person you are, of the soul you are, of who you are.

Hurting people hurt others.

Bullying – defined as “the act of seeking to harm, intimidate, or pressure someone perceived as vulnerable,” yet so much more damaging to the mind than physical signs can possibly show. Whether it’s people whispering behind your back or someone completely ignoring you when you make eye contact with them and smile, bullying takes many forms but essentially revolves around someone treating you as less than an equal, which is where the problem lies because YOU are their equal. You are a human being created in love’s image, a spirit full of life, full of ideas, and full of potential that Earth desperately needs. There is no replacement for your thoughts, no substitute for your smile, no aura so sacred that could ever occupy the space you do or ever take the place of you in your tribe’s hearts. We all have distinct features, both physical and spiritual, that distinguish us from those around us, whether it’s vivid purple eyeshadow, a laugh that flows as easily as the tides, or points in a class discussion that no one else even considered. Though it’s taboo to even take the smallest step out of line in high school, please do because the only way to drown out the bullies’ lies is by replacing them with the truth that yes, I am myself wholeheartedly; yes, I am who the universe needs me to be; and yes, nothing anyone does to me defines me. I define who I am. I decide where my life is going, and I decide who takes up my headspace. And let me tell you something; those bullies who don’t know how to deal with their own insecurities, who let their wounds bleed onto innocent souls don’t deserve a headspace as beautiful as yours. Do not become the people who hurt you. When you are living your life as your true self, you’ll find an army of people with the same heart as yours come out of nowhere, as if you’re seeing for the first time, because you are. You’re allowing the fire within you to burn brightly without constantly pondering if you’ll have to throw water on it before someone notices you. You’re allowing your spirit to feel fulfilled, and that is the only way to live. Fulfilled. Powerful. Flawless, brave hearted you.

“You are not your ashes, you are a flame. Do not ask the shadows, the light of the world knows your name.”

~ Nichole Nordeman

Your life means something.

“You’re too young to do anything important.” “You’re only one person, you can’t make a difference.” “You don’t have what it takes to make a change in this world.” How many of those lies or similar ones have you heard in your head? Personally, I’ve heard all three and more and believed all three and more. For so long, I wanted to empower people, I wanted to help others, I wanted to leave my fingerprint on this planet and in my school, yet I always felt like my actions went undetected because no one said anything to me, no one praised me, no one told me I was on the right path. And I think that’s where so many of us get stuck; we become so invested in receiving the external validation that we lose sight of what our souls really sought to do. We move our eyes from the everlasting confirmation that we are in the right place at the right time making the right decisions to the tangible awards of this world – an article in the paper, voted to Prom court, or nominated to the All-State team. Is that why you played soccer, to have your name in black and white in the sports column? Is that why you greeted everyone you passed in the hallway with a grin, to wear a $9.99 crown on one night? No! You did those things because you lived your life for you, regardless of what others would think and lived purely in each moment, each season, and each hour, taking it day-by-day. Those actions do not go unnoticed, and it won’t be long until you become a bright spot in your circle’s day, a ray of light that illuminates the darkness, reveals the hidden beauty, and warms the weary souls, just as you once were.

“Every action of our lives vibrates on some chord that will ring throughout eternity.”

~ Chapin

Things will get better. As roses begin climbing the ancient cobblestone walls once more after a devastating fire, your confidence will begin to take root; your courage will spread its leaves long and proud for all to see. It may take a few weeks, a few months, or even a few years, but the hormones will even out. You’ll grow into your body. And you’ll know that while this life will never be perfect and those insecurities will always remain, they won’t always take center stage. Life will be filled with more and more sweet moments. And you will be able to look in the mirror and not see the oily skin or the angry pimples but the person, the one whom love thought of when they said, “You are special. You are irreplaceable. You are mine.”